i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
