I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
