just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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