So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
