She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
