So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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