Dude my mom stole all your condoms
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
