Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
