he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize