my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
