you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We had to coat check the pizza.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
