and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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