Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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