I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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