Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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