have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
