mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She needs sedatives and a leash
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
