im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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