So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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