She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize