Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
