first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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