Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
