I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
