somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
