i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
