You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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