Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
