there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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