my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
