I've blown a few things in my day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize