The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
