Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
