On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize