I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
birth control should be required to get into college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
