people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
