I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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