My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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