girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
