Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize