saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
