I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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