When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
