party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
