11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
