I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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