Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
