So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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