I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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