he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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