hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
