it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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