is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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