i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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