Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
