when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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