I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
