I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
