ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This is my gift to your gina
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
