We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
