i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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