im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
