I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
