you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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