You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
