So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize