Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
