**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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