I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
